Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

Cliques, Narcissists, Outsiders, and Patience

Narcissus by Caravaggio (1597-99)

It will be no surprise to those close to me that I have always been an outsider. Even within my own family I have a tendency to fade away. While I am opinionated both over the dinner table and in general, I am able to go unnoticed.

When I began engaging with the writing scene on Twitter in 2018, I was not expecting to make friends. I am so used to being a lone wolf that it just wasn’t something I sought out. However, since then, I have made many friends, but I have also learned about certain behaviours that I had come across previously, but I am now well-equipped to spot them.

In the last two years, I have noticed the dynamics of the indie scene beginning to shift and groups have formed. I have seen cases where people rally around one person in an almost cult-like fashion. It always seems to take those people the longest to wisen up and see the fool. I am no stranger to this kind of thing however. I’m almost used to being the first one to know, and still to this day I don’t know why. Actually, it’s likely because I’m a Gemini. We pick up information quick!

In childhood, I always had someone trying to turn a group against me. I had someone turn a former friend and our friendship group against me. They had planned it while I was on holiday, and when I returned, everything had changed. It was the most miserable year, but I was different then. I didn’t know how to stand up to bullies, but I do now.

Who you have to watch out for are the silent ones. A lot of bad people try to be slick these days, but when you do as much research and have come across as many bullies as I have, they stand out fairly quickly. A lot of us think of bullying as a strict campaign, but that’s not always the case. It is often a subtle manipulation of certain situations, forcing the wronged into the box of doing wrong.

You may feel helpless, but there is something you can do. You can break out of that box and refuse to go back in. Speak your truth and don’t be bullied into silence. There is a way to do it without appearing in a certain light. Boxes keep injustice on the tracks.

The thing about certain bullies I have encountered is that they need people to mirror them. They build a wall around themselves of people who will defend them to the ends of the Earth. This will make you feel alone, but you mustn’t waver. These types of people can only wear a mask for so long; it will slip. Bide your time. Be patient.

"Narcissists are consumed with maintaining a shallow false self to others. They're emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they use a multitude of games, in order to receive adoration. Sadly, they are the most ungodly of God's creations because they don't show remorse for their actions, take steps to make amends or have empathy for others. They are morally bankrupt.” ―Shannon L. Alder

The indie scene proclaims to be focused on community, but that isn’t entirely truthful. There are groups who seem exclusive, and you almost have to prove yourself ‘worthy’. I’m like my Mother in the regard that I will talk to anyone. Online, I have found that not many people follow back right away. They also won’t amplify your work if you aren’t part of their group. Their world is closed off to you entirely.

The thing they hate the most is when you don’t go away. You aren’t doing or saying anything to them, but you continue to befriend people who may be a part of their circle because that is how networking works. You are making potential friends in the process while also refusing to go back in your box. Ultimately, you should continue to shine in the face of injustice.

Use your inner magic to navigate these waters. Refute the cliques and rise above. There is a space for you, and I promise you that those undeserving will fall eventually. ☆☆☆

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Keep up with me on Twitter: @courtenaywrites